Everyone frowns upon growing up without a dad, but I think that I wouldn’t be the same person that I am today if I did.

When I was born, my parents already had a hard marriage; it was not very enjoyable for them and my older sister. My mom was unfaithful to my father who was deployed quite a bit, which is why they separated. My sister and I, who looked up to them, never knew what “love” was. 

I was about 3 years old when they got a divorce. My father then began a life in his car, and I didn’t see him for a few years after that. My sister and I lived in Hawaii for a year with my mom, but then my mom sent us to live with my grandma in Texas because of her financial status. 

Growing up in a mixed race household was hard, especially with a different man living in my house who was not my dad at all (that’s a different story). I was never really good at showing love because with my mom and Obasan being Japanese there wasn’t much of that. 

I only knew a mom of course. I saw my dad but it was mostly on Skype calls and visiting him for a couple of weeks every couple of years. I never knew him. Every time I saw my friends going places with their dad and making jokes with him, I always wanted to know what that felt like because I never had that and I don’t think that I ever will.  With my dad being far away and not necessarily involved in my life, I learned to be grateful and cherish my little moments with him. 

Everything I learned throughout my life wouldn’t have been acquired without my unique experiences. I wouldn’t have the independence, open-mindedness, and strong desire to succeed. My older sister and I always had to do things for ourselves since we were young, and we still do. 

My mom was always at work and busy caring for our younger step-brothers since we had a large age gap. I was stuck trying to figure out my homework alone, forging signatures at a young age because my mom wasn’t involved in my school life, making my own food, watching my younger brothers since I was 10, and doing household chores that added more to my responsibilities. 

I grew a lot and without the plethora of sporadic experiences I’ve been through, I would not be the young woman I am today. Although my mom has done some questionable things in the past, she has always brought my sister and I up well. She guided us through divine femininity and taught us that we do not need a “boy” to be content. Considering everything I have been through I wouldn’t have become the young woman I am today, sometimes commonly negative events are for the better